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Emma is at St. John's Seminary Zambia, teaching theology to students
Dear Friends

I hope that you are all well? I have about one and a half weeks left in Zambia - it has gone soooo quickly! I am still busy teaching, organising 'experimental services', writing course outlines for three new programmes here (see prayer points), gardening, and welding chapattis to my pans. This will be my last email from Zambia, although I'll send you a quick email when I arrive home. Here are a few more thoughts from Kitwe...

Street children: Freedom, Perfect Freedom - ?

When I first arrived, I was shocked – no, horrified – at the amount of scraggly street children living in rags on the streets. You can't really miss them. They all wear grey jumpers studded with holes, that are either miles too big or miles too small. They look as if they haven't eaten for weeks, and they usually have tear stains on their dusty cheeks. I was more shocked however when I was told that they actually choose to live on the streets, that if projects are set up for them and accommodation found, they run away and prefer to beg on the streets. I thought, 'What a load of pompous twaddle. Someone is just trying to comfort their guilty conscience…!' What child would choose to live on the streets, in squalor, with empty stomach and one jumper?

However, the day came recently when more shock was yet to come; when I could believe this to be true. I didn't want to believe it. I have never wanted to disbelieve something more passionately than this. But one day I came to realise that this is actually true for most.

Apparently, 'freedom' is more precious than anything – more precious than living in a home or eating regularly or having a family. The children prefer to live on the streets and beg for money, because that offers them freedom. Oh God, what have we done? What have we done to make a three year old think that freedom is about sleeping on concrete, spending the day begging for money, fighting with other street kids, and catching rats for dinner? It breaks your heart to find out that children think this is freedom. To think that institutions or organisations are like prison, to think that crouching on street corners is home. And these street kids don't even have the luxury of a cardboard box to sleep in.

But don't think this is a romantic story. You couldn't pick up one of these little ones and hug them! They are little adults, stubborn and independent and fierce little fighters. Oh yes, they know how to make your hard heart melt! They have perfected the art of puppy-dog eyes! And who can resist it when they crowd around you, drop to their knees, hold their hands in prayer-like position and say, 'Mama, mama!' The trouble is, once you've given something to one child, the word goes round faster than lightning, and suddenly you've got a hundred kids crawling around you, kneeling and pleading and crying and tugging at your clothes…!!! And then the brawl starts. You watch two or more five year olds fighting over the money, kicking and punching each other, fighting to the death. And all over the equivalent of 50 pence. A crowd of adults gather, watching. It feels a bit like a cock fight. At last, an adult steps in, pulls them apart, hits their heads together with a sickening thud, and throws them away. The crowd laughs and disperses. You're left feeling utterly, utterly helpless. And sick and devastated. A voice says in my ear, 'Don't worry, that's normal here.' It's at times like this that I am sure God doesn't mind you swearing.

Once I had given some money to two tiny little girls. Then I saw a larger boy walk up to them and try to snatch it away. When the girls wouldn't give, he started hitting them. Wife beating starts early here.

This is the kind of life they 'choose'. This is the best life affords. They may wander bare-footed on the streets, rake through rubbish, beg for money and fight over it – but they have 'freedom'. Giving them food, money, or clothes doesn't solve anything. It will last for a short while, and they will go out and beg again, thinking that this is best, that this is freedom. Poverty of food, of clothes or of shelter can easily be dealt with. But that isn't the problem. The problem is that their poverty is a poverty of love. I read something in the week that made it all make sense to me: Mother Theresa wrote, 'The poverty of hunger can be removed with a plate of rice and a piece of bread. But the poverty of love is more difficult – a person that is shut out, that feels unwanted, unloved, terrified – that poverty is so painful and so much more difficult to remove.'

Everyone desires a home. Everyone desires identity and to 'belong'. Everyone looks for acceptance and friendship. Everyone wants freedom. Everyone searches for love. It's just that some in this world only find these things on the streets and in shop doorways. Some find it waiting on street corners in the dark. In car parks and beside rubbish dumps. In one of my earlier emails, I had asked the question 'what does it mean to say that "God is good" to the boy where the only 'good' thing in his life was the stuff he smokes at night?' Now I find myself asking, 'what does it mean to say that "God is love" to the little girl or boy whose only experience of being 'loved' is that which they feel when they are given 50 pence, or in prostitution?' …To say that "God is freedom" when the only freedom they have tasted is that which is found on the streets? But there again, can we say that we really know what true love is? Have we really found true freedom in Christ?

We are to be Christ's hands and feet in the world now. We are to love as Christ loves, without boundaries, without conditions, without fear. But where do we start in this crazy world? I think maybe it begins with our families. We need to go home and love our families. If we all did that, then we wouldn't be in the mess we are in today. If we all loved our families, there would be no one living or dying on the streets at the age of four.

A Scottish lady who has just arrived in Kitwe, asked me whether you get used to seeing the street kids. Yes and no. Yes, you get used to kids coming up to you. You get used to always having change handy on you. But no – you never get used to seeing children sleeping on the streets. Seeing children dressed in rags, fighting over a penny. Knowing that this is where they find love and freedom. God help me the day that I get used to seeing this. God help me, because on that day, something has gone terribly, terribly wrong.

I'm Electric!!!

The change in the weather has brought about an interesting result. It is now the dry season (not a speck of rain, not a drop of moisture in the sky, not a pee from a flea), and it's freezing in the mornings and evenings, and just perfectly warm in the day. However, somehow, this has made every piece of clothing that I wear, electric. Static electricity has become more fearsome than the mosquitoes and cockroaches. At least you can engage in a bit of friendly fighting and killing with the beasties, but you'll never win a match against static electricity. Every time I slide under my mosquito net at night, my hair is charged with so much electricity - vwoomf! Sharing the peace at the Eucharist now actually carries a death warning. Sharing the peace or shaking someone's hand in greeting is something you only do to keep your enemies now.

But it does have its pros! The best is when in the middle of the night, you wake up and turn over – and then you see a river of blue light flickering across your top blanket like a glimmering lake, and you see sparks and flashes of light like sparkling diamonds, and the hairs on your arms stand on edge and you can make the light dance with your finger tips! At first I did wonder whether it might be a tad dangerous for me to carry on sleeping under this particularly static blanket, but tiredness got the better of me – and it did look amazing! In the morning, I wasn't quite sure whether I had dreamt it or not, and had a wonderful fantasy that the sparks of light were God's grace falling like bits of manna… Ahem, yes, well, the following night the same thing happened along with the familiar crackles that is the mother tongue of static electricity. Of course, you can't see it in the daytime. You see, sometimes you need to be in the dark and blind to be able to see the light and its beauty…

Prayer Points

1)  Please thank God for keeping our rector, Bishop John safe in a car accident. There were so many 'coincidences' that kept him and his passenger safe and without injury. And thank God that He enabled the Bishop to get back into the car and drive all the way to Kitwe just in time to give a speech at the 50th Anniversary celebration of the YWCA in Kitwe …! Seeing the wreckage of the car, it was a miracle that no one was injured.

2)  I started serving tea, coffee and biscuits after the service last Sunday, in the hope that it would encourage people to talk to each other and build up the fellowship! I was frightened that no one would stay behind, but everyone did and it was a good success! Thank God that we started talking to each other and going beyond the niceties of 'how are you', and actually learned each others' names! Please pray that the fellowship will be strengthened, and the worship revitalised.

3)  Please pray that God would refresh the staff here with energy! We have all been working hard on trying to set up certificate, diploma and degree programmes here that would be validated by Canterbury University. There have been many deadlines to meet and frantic meetings and passionate discussions and lots of paperwork! Please pray that all decisions and all work would be done for the edification of God's Kingdom and His people.

4)  Please pray for the street children – that God would raise people up to help them, and that they would discover true freedom and true love.

5)  I am organising an Agape meal to be part of our worship here in the chapel on Thursday; the students and I have written the liturgy but there are still quite a lot of practicalities to sort out. Please pray that God would help us in this, and that through the agape meal God would strengthen our unity draw us closer to Him.

6)  Please pray that in the remaining week and a half I would be able to prepare physically, mentally and spiritually to come home. I am really looking forward to walking off the plane and seeing my parents and catching up with the rest of my family (and all of you!), but I know that I will be so sad to leave my 'family' here.
Once again, thank you for your friendship and prayers. I look forward to seeing you all again soon!

Let us vow never to let our hearts grow cold, let us vow to grasp true freedom and perfect love, and let us vow to be Christ to all we meet!

God bless you,

With love and prayers,

Emma
 

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